“Save The World” Burden
It’s astonishing, really! To know we have the power to change our realities. To live a life by design. I speak from experience, as once in my life I fell victim to the comfort of self-sabotage. Playing the victim, blaming others, and starving myself were once my methods of survival; that is until I hit a breaking point.
The greatest breakthrough came after the breaking point. Back in 2016 I realized I created my own reality. The suffering, the pain, the domestic violence, the weight loss, the abuse, the depression, all of it; I created it. Thus, I dismantled that reality the same way I created it; by choice.
July of 2016 I left the abusive relationship I had settled for. By this point my energy was sucked dry, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter to me that I had no money, poor health, self-hatred, zero self-esteem, and an enormous guilt. The moment I left, those factors became irrelevant. All that mattered was recovering myself.
Once again in my life I became a dreamer. This dream of recovering myself fueled my choices. It gave me purpose, which resulted in strength beyond the physical. I have the strength to create the reality I want, so I did exactly that.
I began a three-week intensive nutrition plan, followed by an intense workout regime. It took a year of discipline, consistency, and determination to transform my body. However undeniably captivating this exterior transformation maybe, it falls shoot to my interior transformation.
The interior transformation may not be as apparent, but don’t be fooled it guided my exterior transformation. Along with nutrition and working out, I engulfed myself with all things personal development; ranging from books, to meditation, and even kundalini yoga.
The deeper I dived into my healing, the more detached I became from my mind’s limitations. And then, inspiration hit. I became inspired to share my story in the hopes of inspiring others to “Take Back Their Power,” the way I “Took Back My Power.” Therefore, in July of 2017 I made my first YouTube video showcasing my fitness journey.
Watch my transformation for yourself…
This urge to show the world how to love ran through my veins. I had discovered self-love, and I want to share it with everyone. Thus, I took on the classic “save the world” burden. Don’t get me wrong, I know we are capable of change, of saving this world! Yet I still use the term burden, because that’s what it became to me. I took on this massive burden.
Everything I created felt heavy. That’s because it was heavy, it had the weight of saving the world. Once this burden came crashing down on me, it took away my inspiration to blog. Ironically, the more obsessed I became with saving the world, the further apart I was from my truth.
I had reached this greater awareness, and plateaued with my “saving the world” burden. Worse, I began to regress. I lost sight of truth. I stopped working out, eating for nutrition, meditating, and creating for the love of creativity. I developed a sense of superiority because I had reached an “enlightened” state. Whatever that means.
Going down a black hole this time around was different; I was aware I had fallen from my peace. When I first fell into depression back in 2016 I was unaware. This time, mid 2018, I could see the auto-destruction occurring. This time I wasn’t going down without a fight. My will is greater.
As I sit here December 29, 2018 reflecting, I am neutral. The “save the world” burden has vanished. I am left with gratitude for everything that has gotten me to this point.
Once again, I am inspired to create. This time for me; nothing else matters. If you become inspired by what I create that’s cool, if you don’t that’s cool too. We all have our own paths to follow, our own lessons to learn.
I remain inspired to share mine through this blog. With that said there are no coincidences, so if this post reached you then you were meant to read it. The purpose, I don’t know and I don’t care. I just am. Thank you.