Roller Coaster Results
It is May 30th 2019 and once again I find myself before the magnificence that is Niurka; This time around I am a little older, a litter wiser, a litte… ooo who am I kidding. Back in May of 2019, I was eager to begin my NeoGenesis transformation. Finally, I was going to the ROOT CAUSE of all my limited beliefs. My patience was running low. SIIA had been such a transformative experience, and I was feening for another.
Don’t get me wrong, I grew light years from SIIA in November 2018. In 6 months I completed a 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training Program, I started a new job teaching Yoga and HIIT workout classes, I started my own self-care plant-based product company, I focused on growing my blog and social media following, I continued to grow my modeling, and lastly I began and wrote 70% of my movie script.
I had made profound life changing choices; Yet, I was having trouble shaking off a “loser” feeling. Despite all these beautiful changes, there it was: that loser feeling pulling me back. It was growing into a mind of its own; criticizing every accomplishment. When I received my Yoga T.T. Certification the loser feeling began, “Yoga, really. You were in an abusive marriage. How are you going to be all Peace, Love, and Namaste with that track record.” When I was published in a bridal magazine the Loser feeling laughed, “you are too old to model.” The worst came when I finally made my product line Amores, “Get a real job. Had you not made the mistake of marring young you would be further in life. You have failed. This company will fail. Loser” Thank goodness for my SIIA tool belt, otherwise I would have listened to the loser feeling. Amores would not exist, I would have not been a published model, and Yoga would be reduced to an hour practice in my workout routine. Thus, between the loser feeling and my SIIA tool belt I was producing roller coaster results in the context of my finances.
NO MORE roller coaster results! My intention for NeoGenesis was to get to the ROOT CAUSE of the loser feeling.
In ancient Greek Mythology the Phoenix is a mystical bird, said to have 1000 year life cycles. There is only one Phoenix, one king and queen of all birds. Legend has it this supernatural creature can sense when the end is near. As this end approaches the phoenix builds a nest of cinnamon, frankincense and myrrh. She then ignites a sacred fire, and surrenders the old self into the flames. From the ashes of the phoenix a new egg is collected and offered to the sun; giving birth to a new Phoenix.
To die and be re-born, to offer a part within you that no longer serves you in exchange for a rebirth. That is the journey of NEO.
Neo In Greek meaning “New”
Genesis meaning “Beginning”
So, there I was settling into day one of Neo. Knowing I was about to die. Figuratively of course, but non the less still a death. I kept telling myself, “I am the phoenix, I will burn the loser feeling away; surrender it into the flames as I clear space for the rebirth.” It felt heavy; especially since I had not worked through the loser feeling yet.
French Kiss Your Fears
Day two, the French kissing gets serious. Niurka kept telling us all to French kiss our fears through this program removing process. With NLP tools we discovered our core values and motivations fueling our actions and driving our life up until now. I was able to clearly see how fear within the context of finances was holding me back.
When my partner elicited my values the word “incompetent” came up. This triggered a childhood memory buried deep in my subconscious. I wasn’t the “brightest” student according to my bully of a second-grade teacher. That word came from her. She made me feel as if I wasn’t smart enough, or capable of understanding the world. She kept trying to pressure my mom into taking me to see a doctor because she was convinced, I had a learning disorder, Asperger’s to be exact. Thank goodness I have the mother I do, because if I didn’t, I probably would have grown up medicated.
Wow, I was carrying this loser feeling that came from my second-grade teacher viewing me as incompetent. Later in my life I married a woman who called me “manca,” a term in spanish used to describe someone who is handicap. Now it makes sense why I attracted someone who would treat me as an incapable person. In the past I was walking around feeling incapable. I was in fear.
At SIIA I had worked with self-worth, so the fear stopped showing up in a self-worth context; it had transferred into my finances. By unlocking this childhood memory, I realized the fear in finances came from not believing in myself; believing I was incapable of success. Despite changing after second grade, being in honor roll throughout high school, and graduating with a B.A. that feeling remained. I became the perfect student out of fear. Despite being successful and moving up into management in my jobs, that loser feeling was there. In the past fear motivated me to be perfect.
There I was, in the mist of this breakthrough crying and French kissing my fears; what else could I do.
As the group reached completion in eliciting our values, we gathered outside around a fire. In sacred sacrifice we threw our sheets of paper with the old values listed on them into the fire. The time to die was now, day two completed with death.
Gifts From The Ashes
Day three, we integrated our learnings and let go of the past by releasing negative emotions stored in the subconscious. Sounds like a lot, it was. Imagine going back in time to your childhood memories, or even further into your mother’s pregnancy, or what about your past lives, or
even your blood line. I know, sounds crazy. It’s what we did!
This next part is a little hard to explain, only because it is more of an experience one must live. Anyway, here I go, attempting to explain. We traveled on our timelines to get to the root of Anger, Sadness, and Fear. Out of nowhere I felt anger emerging my entire being. This anger was stuck in my heart area, from there oozing into every cell of my body. I raised my hand to let Niurka know where I was. She said I was right where I was supposed to be. That didn’t make me feel better. It was time for lunch, and I was left raging throughout lunch. I know I was the worst lunch mate, as I was prepared to start a fight. Aware of my mental state, I decided to go on a walk alone.
When we returned from lunch, we finished the process. It didn’t work on me. At the end of the timeline I was even more enraged. This time I demanded Niurkas attention. As everyone moved on to their next emotion, sadness, I was stuck in anger. I asked Niurka if I could work on anger again, what I really wanted to do was walk up to Niurka and start a fight. I was ready to yell, call her a scam artist. Yikes, I was not in a good place.
Niurka sensed this and sent me outside with the grasshopper, Sirena. It was a good call; with Sirena I was able to work through my emotions. I discovered it was okay for me to share my emotions, I didn’t have to hide them. I had the power to communicate; to share my authenticity through communication. With this I was able to release anger, move on to sadness, and then join the group for fear.
By this point, I felt better. I was finally rising from the ashes of my old emotions; I was open to receiving my gifts. After letting go of my last emotion fear, life gave me a precious gift. I received a download, my movies beginning and ending scene. It was full circle, both in my movie and in my experience at Neo. I was working on my finances and I was gifted creation.
Day four, we aligned our core values with our authentic self and vision. Thus, creating conditions for a successful meaningful present future.
Speak English Edith!
We elicited our new values, these values came from the gifts given to us by the emotions we released. Thus, my core values in the context of finances are now
Love, Authenticity, Creativity, and Purpose.
Empowering right! To go from fear as your fuel to stepping into love, authenticity, creativity, and purpose as your fuel.
It has now been two months since my Neo experience. I see these gifts integrated into my life. The loser feeling is gone! I am able to move forward with all that I chose to create, knowing that it comes from a place of love and that I am authentic to my being. All that I do is purpose driven. I am in the flow of life, grateful for it. This life is to explore, love, live, be free, be happy, be you, ahhhhhhhhh. I take a deep breath as I write this last part.
Thank you for reading. I hope it has inspired you. I love you!
Thank you for gifting me these experiences. For having the courage to be authentic! For being honest with yourself and open to change. For trusting the process.
Edith, I love you.
Goddess you are. Powerful you are. Loving you are. You are the embodiment of living in Supreme Influence in action. WOW! You are officially my Mentor. I am a sponge absorbing all the knowledge you have to share through your courses, your book, your videos, your social media platforms, etc.
Your work is your life purpose. I can literally see how you direct source conciousness to create your life by design. To speak into existence.
You have inspired me to do the same! Thank you. I love you.
To My Soul Family:
Thank you for your courage to dive deep into this experience. Thank you for sharing all your breakthroughs and gifts. The love, vulnerability, honesty, and strength coming from each and everyone of you has inspired me. We all have our own stories and perceptions, yet we are all one. I love you.
A special thank you to my buddy for creating art with me. I am blessed to have you in my life.